Built to Survive
Nelson’s Story
Most of my friends ended up looking like skeletons.
I refused to accept that there was nothing the doctors could do to stop this wasting away.
by Nelson Vergel


Originally published March 2000As Dr. Michael Dullnig lay dying of AIDS, Nelson Vergel promised him that he’d spread the word about the doctor’s amazing program of keeping AIDS patients alive by building their health and combating HIV wasting. Five years later, after flying all over the world giving seminars, after founding the ground-breaking Body Positive Wellness Center in Houston, after seeing that his anti-wasting program has been increasingly accepted by doctors, and after seeing his own health go from precarious to blooming, Vergel is finally ready to publish the book that he promised his mentor. I remember when I was eight years old, I asked my mother, “What is cancer?” She gave me the best explanation she could without alarming me, but I also remember saying: “If I ever get cancer when I am older, I am going to live life to the fullest, travel, and do something big before I die!” Maybe it was self-prophesy. Later in life, I ended up not getting cancer, but I found out I was HIV-positive in 1987 when I was 28 years old. I was probably infected five years earlier in March 1982, when I first came to the U.S. from Venezuela. I met Calvin, the man who was to become my lover for six years on that trip. I went back to Venezuela and spent weeks with the worst flu of my life. Life went on as usual after that as I was unaware of what had started happening to my health.


Two years later Calvin called me to tell me that he could not wait any longer for me to move to the U.S. and, fearful of losing him, I sold everything, packed my bags and left my country in 1984 to start a new life with my lover. After getting my MBA, I found good jobs in the oil and gas industry as a chemical engineer.


One day in 1987 Calvin came to me with the bad news that he had gotten tested for HIV and his results were positive. After crying for a whole night, I decided I had to face reality. I went to get tested. When the results came back, my counselor told me: “You are HIV positive: go home and take care of yourself.” Back then there was nothing to treat this illness, not even AZT. I realized that all my dreams were collapsing in front of my eyes.


After grieving for days, I decided that if I was going to die, I would explore all possibilities first on how to stay healthy. I subscribed to 10 of the best AIDS newsletters in the country. I become a certified HIV counselor with the Centers for Disease Control; counseling more than 20 people a night gave me the strength to continue to empower myself. I was still working full-time as a chemical engineer, keeping this terrible stressor a secret from my employer and coworkers. I started a passionate search for my real life purpose. I knew from several research studies on psycho-immunology that those with a life purpose tend to live longer.
As time went by, I became more and more symptomatic. Diarrhea, anxiety attacks, thrush, skin problems, night sweats, and other ailments became common. I knew that I could not continue just doing what my doctors said, and that I needed to do something different if I wanted to stay alive. I was also losing weight and energy. My relationship with my lover ended and I was transferred to Los Angeles from Houston in 1990.


It was much easier to learn about alternative therapies in Los Angeles than in Houston. I started meeting people who were on the same search for health that I was, and joined support groups where we discussed the latest treatments and alternative therapies. I started to consume megadoses of supplements, started to exercise regularly and to watch my diet for allergic reactions. My health did start improving, but my weight was still decreasing, down to 140 from my original 165. I used the best that both the holistic and pharmaceutical world had to offer. I realized that this virus is a very smart one. I came to the belief that maybe switching therapies every six months or so might prevent a lot of the problems associated with viral resistance (mutations) and side effects due to long-term use of antivirals.


I got transferred back to Houston a year and a half later and returned a different person with a new perspective on my healthcare: I was more assertive and demanded that my doctor let me take reasonable risks in my choices of therapies. In the meanwhile, many of my friends were dying of AIDS; most of them ended up looking like skeletons before their deaths. Calvin, my ex-lover, a man who used to be handsome and well-built, wasted from 180 pounds down to 80 pounds and died in bones as we watched helplessly. I refused to accept that there was nothing the doctors could do to stop my friends’ wasting, which was probably the main contributor to their deaths. I decided I was not going to be the next victim of my own and my doctors’ ignorance in treating wasting. I became focused, and maybe obsessed.


One day in the summer of 1992 some of my L.A. friends called to tell me about a seminar on the use of anabolic steroids for AIDS. I remember saying, “But steroids are supposed to be bad for you!” I remember all I had read about the misuse of anabolic steroids, about “roid rage” and cancer and liver problems. My friends in L.A. insisted that the seminar speaker sounded like he knew what he was saying, and that this could be a good option to reverse my weight loss and improve my quality of life. I was very skeptical, but in the back of my mind a little ray of hope started to shine.


I decided to do it. I figured I had more to win than to lose. I tried finding a doctor who would prescribe the steroids, but could not find one. Friends of mine began trying to find dealers who could bring anabolics from Mexico. I asked my mother in Venezuela to get me some testosterone cypionate and Deca Durabolin—available over the counter there. I was finally able to start this therapy full of excitement, fear, and hope.


I was very worried about the fact that I was doing something potentially risky without any guidance. I bought every bodybuilding magazine possible. To my surprise and delight, in Bill Phillips’ Muscle Media 2000, an HIV-positive doctor—only identifying himself as “Dr. X”—who wrote about how he had gotten out of his death bed, regained 40 pounds and gotten his life back by using anabolic steroids, even though he only had four T cells! My friends in L.A. tracked him down; I phoned him and we talked for an hour. A psychiatrist on disability, his real name was Michael Dullnig, M.D. What a delightful, smart, passionate man. I became his number one fan. We would talk for hours every week to share our experiences. He was writing a book about his personal program. I told him I was looking for a life purpose and that I was willing to volunteer some time to help him in any way to spread this information.
In the meanwhile, taking the steroids, I gained good lean body mass. I put on 35 pounds during the next year or so. My immune response also improved, especially my CD8 T cells, which went from 900 to 2500 cells per mm3. My symptoms basically disappeared. I never felt or looked better in my life, even when I was HIV negative! And all this happened before we even had protease inhibitors. I agreed with Dullnig that it was unethical and immoral to keep this information from HIV-positive people and doctors just because of all the misconceptions, stigma, and hype surrounding anabolic steroid use. None of the so-called information-based organizations out there had anything on anabolics and HIV disease and only a very few small papers had been written about it. Most doctors I talked to did not know much or anything at all, and some were very much against the use of anabolics because of all the bad publicity. I decided to embark in a crusade to gather more information and to help Dr. Dullnig disseminate it.
Things kept getting better for me. My quality of life got to be the best I could remember; even my mind worked better. Unfortunately, that was not the case for Michael Dullnig. While I was fortunate to have started the program while my T4 cells were still over 200 cells per mm3, Michael started when his T4-cell count had already dropped to 10; normal range is 1000 to 1500. Even though he was able to live a good full year after he started steroids with his new quality of life, he eventually developed CMV retinitis. He called me to say that he could not stand the thought of going blind, that he would rather die than go through the chemotherapy required to treat that infection. My first thought was to motivate him to go on, to finish his book. He called me weeks later to say that he had drawn the line and that he was going to end his life the next day on June 1, 1994. I was shocked. He was in a hurry to call everyone to say good-bye, so he did not have much time. He said that he was going to accept my offer to help him finish the book and spread this valuable information. He hung up and I spent hours crying in shock. A week later I got 650 pounds of research material via Federal Express that Dullnig had sent me. I knew my life was never going to be the same after that.


I started to get Dullnig’s fan mail, dozens of letters from people all over who desperately needed help. I realized how really important this work ahead of me was. I was still working for Shell Oil then, but could hardly concentrate on my work. It took me four months to digest all the information to be able to continue the work. I also did my own research by going to the medical library every week to read about nutrition, endocrinology, exercise physiology, and related fields. Michael had made me promise that I would not wait for the book to be published to spread the information. I decided to create my own nonprofit organization in Houston called PoWeR—Program for Wellness Restoration. I sold my house. I came out at work as an HIV-positive man and told everyone about my new purpose in life. My boss was extremely supportive and told me to do whatever it took to find myself. I went on permanent disability at work in September 1994, and was able to devote myself entirely to my new project.


I created a workshop format with over a hundred slides and invited a few experts to join me. One by one they all came to me, seemingly effortlessly. Dr. Mauro Di Pasquale, a world expert on anabolics and sports medicine, was the first to join my efforts. Dr. Luke Bucci, author of several books on micronutrients in sports and recovery was soon to follow. Dr. Lark Lands, one of the top nutritionists who specializes in HIV disease has also been a great supporter. Dr. Patricia Salvato, a very progressive and respected doctor in Houston, started using the program with her patients with great results. Then life sent me another Michael to help me in this mission. I received a call from Michael Mooney, a nutritional expert in Los Angeles who was also independently researching this field. Michael turned out to be a passionate, knowledgeable, and truly concerned individual who is committed to researching this area and to sharing this information with others. We became partners in this mission and he joined me in my travels around the country. We’ve collaborated on this book and several other publications.


After just four years of hard work, over 200 physicians, and other healthcare professionals, including registered dietitians, and certified nutritionists, are now endorsing and applying the program with thousands of HIV positive people. At least 50 HIV/AIDS agencies nationwide have used our services as seminar speakers. I have designed two multi-factorial research protocols to test our program on males and females while using proper nutrition and resistance weight-training.


We have given our “Built to Survive” workshop in every major city in the U.S. I have given a presentation to the largest medical school in Venezuela, and will be touring South America next year. We presented our Anabolic Hormone Guidelines at the XI International AIDS Conference in Vancouver in July 1996, and at the XII International Conference on Nutrition and HIV in Cannes, France in April 1997, and had a poster presentation at the XII International AIDS Conference in Geneva in June 97. We have been quoted in AIDS Treatment News, POZ, Sports Illustrated, Positively Aware, and The Advocate.


I have created my dream facility, a one-of-a-kind one-stop Wellness Center in Houston with another agency, Body Positive, to provide free or subsidized supervised weight-training, nutritional counseling, body composition analysis, chiropractic massage therapy, and other services to HIV-positive individuals with limited income. I have lobbied to include wellness services in the Ryan White federal funding system for Houston. We have an advisory board with very distinguished doctors and researchers who are experts in clinical applications and research in wasting and nutritional medicine. I was asked to join the Wasting Committee at the AIDS Clinical Trails Group (ACTG) in Washington, the largest HIV/AIDS research organization in the world. We also cosponsored the first International Conference on AIDS Wasting in Fort Lauderdale in November, 1997, with 27 speakers and 178 participants. And we have been able to do this with no federal funding, and very limited educational grants. We feel that sometimes all it takes in life is fearless commitment. I truly believe that conviction, passion for what I believe in, and the love of all around me have kept me alive more than all the medicines I have taken. I also believe that HIV was not a “bad” coincidence in my life but one that enriched me and made me live fuller.